My Battlefield

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No time for rest, No pillow for my head,

no where to run from this,

no way to forget.

My shadows start to creep, like my skin they cover me…

Just want to feel free and finally try to get some peace.

I hold myself closely, feeling insecure.

People judge all around me, I see them stare….

I close my eyes but I fear he still stares.

Watching me pretending to sleep, feeling my heart pound…

I weaken beneath my blanket, I feel his breathing….

I keep my eyes closed and hear his words,

“Your not asleep”.

I lye there with my eyes pinned shut, my heart still pounds, I hear him walk out and close the door.

Silence is all I hear…

Scared to open my eyes, my heart still pounds.

I finally blackout and awaken at dawn, its just another day..

nothing new is going to come…

still I am here, beneath my blanket…

No where to run from this,

No way to forget….

****

This is my battlefield, pain I carry each day from abuse…when you are this young its hard to escape, you can’t just walk out the door, even at my age now i still carry this burden, I still feel weak, its a battle a fight each day. I am stronger though, stronger then ever. There is people that have been through worse, that have been more hurt but I still feel a victim and I still am one. He’ll never pay for what he did because hes passed away…

Occasionally I feel like I was meant to have this happen to me, to live through what I have been to make me who I am but if anything its just made me stronger and fighting a battle like this means I can overcome anything…  I still suffer to this day, I still need to get out but money and time will have its say…I share this to show people who still go through this can get through it like me, even if its still happening like it is with me… we all deserve better we know we do and we will get better and have better…stay strong and positive….

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Silent Tears

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I am sitting in the dark feeling lonely…

you don’t know how it feels to have all of this pain…

Am bruised and broken on the inside, no physical attacks but I am undersized…

You can see skin and bones beneath my clothes, I am just a child and I asked for help…

The people I thought would help came on over….

when they spoke to me I was tongue-tied….

I could not say a word because when I had my chance they said it was all a lie…

They threw me in my bedroom…

silent tears I could only cry…

Its probably for the best because its my only place to hide….

I’m trapped inside these four walls, sometimes I stare outside the window…

When I got caught I was threw down the stairs only to be standing at this tall wall… Sometimes I would cry, sometimes I would stare, Sometimes I would look back… see into the lounge, I got told to look forward or eat some mustard on toast so I chose to look forward.

Silent tears I could only cry,

can you finally see her sadness?

On Reflection

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On reflection… I often wonder what beauty my demons have destroyed…

I cannot escape them nor avoid them….

On reflection… this woman stares, can you speak? 

I see a sadness in your eyes and I feel your pain….

This woman that reflects in the mirror,

I don’t recognise her as I stand and stare in wonder.

I softly touch my hair and see the movements….

this must be me, how can this be? I do not recognise her.

she seems so much stronger, I cannot look away, I will always admire her strength.

There is a sadness in her eyes but she must have come a long way.

 

Her life must have been tough but she didn’t fade away.

On reflection… I often wonder what beauty my demons have destroyed…

looking in this mirror I see,

Her demons, my demons, will they one day…

finally flee?