Before

Before this weight came crashing down, I was fine and able to cope with daily life….
I have came a long way, struggled time and time again….
My anxiety and depression has become worse and slowly losing a sense of control.

I try to relax and say I am ok, I say don’t feel sick and make your belly hurt, I have people around me who support me and love me…
I can’t seem to get better, I want to cry when I wake up in the mornings and have to get out of bed to go to this course….

I want to be free from this anxiety, this shakiness that keeps happening to me….I want to finally be happy because I’m an adult!!

In the next few months I will try and over come this :/ I just hope I do before its too late.

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07/12/2015

Dear followers and viewers,

Today has been bad and then great but now I feel low and I don’t know what to do. The job centre is making me sign on daily which I guess is no news because I’m not the only one but I feel like its the end of the world, I’m back to where I started….

No 20 year old should sign on, its not right! I thought its suppose to be sort of easy to get jobs, you learn and get your career started between 14 and 18. Your supposed to be getting a job somewhere after that between 18 and 24 I guess but its not happening…..

I seem to get a job then get told am no good or I don’t like it, I just don’t know anymore. Its me and my boyfriends anniversary today, we’ve celebrated it at Oriental restaurant which is normally amazing and it was our first place we went to for our first date.

We’ve been together for 3 years now, amazing 3 years and now were unseperable because we live together at my mums but also looking for our own flat together.
I can’t really get a flat without a permanent job which sucks at the minute…..

Christmas is here soon! I can’t wait 🙂 new year and new start for me! 🙂 love you all.

Lea Heart x

Getting better

I am trying to get over being ill all the time, unfortunately I think I have an ear infection and it hurts like crazy but also it feels like an ache. These days I keep feeling tired and waking up with shivers and I am dripping wet like I’ve come out the shower…

I’m on 20 years old its not possible to get menopause at this point but I’ve searched on the internet and this is all I get “how to treat or deal with menopause” its frustrating and the temperature is mostly cold because the heating is barely on. Its winter as well so I am cold at night, do you suggest anything?? I feel like I barely have energy and don’t really want to eat….

I take multivitamins and CO-Q10 for a healthy balanced immunity, I keep getting bad cold as well and I have to have like 6 injections but not at once because I start a care job soon and its their requirements. I’m scared of having the Hepititas C injection though because its a serious illness and its a vaccination that its being put into my system.

I’ve got to go to the job centre tomorrow which is really a sad place to go, they give you benefits but they don’t help you get a job they and you on training courses for CVS or mandatory work experience.

Wish me luck for tomorrow!

Will write to you all tomorrow.
Sweet dreams

Lea xx

Lea Posted from WordPress

Dear followers

I’ve been meaning to write a book and I want your advice, does anyone know how I should go about it? I’ve always been inspired by many authors and there is a certain thing I like about authors. I like reading from a persons prospective and how they feel and what they are thinking.

I like writing my own poems as well but its been a while since I have written any. I have finished reading Wolf Born by N. Gosney and she is a brilliant writer, I also like Sandi Lynn’s writing and Sylvia Day.

I Haven’t really been doing anything exciting really, I mainly have been reading books, playing my virtual city on my Android tablet and searching for jobs. I am happy about Christmas coming up but its scary because I haven’t got a lot of money although I want to make an income some how with my writing skills, that’s why I am asking how do I become an author??

Many thanks for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate your help and follows.

Lea Posted from WordPress

11/11/2015

Today had gone really well, I saw my grandma, grand and great grandma. Later on today my mum and step dad complained about getting a job, I am trying hard but the don’t understand….

Do you hate it when people complain behind your back? Have you ever been called a hermit?? I’ve had a nasty childhood and teen life now I’ve hit twenty adult age, are they going to make that nasty too??  I’ve got to move out next year 2016 in march/April time….

I wish I had at least one good year, I’m sorry for sharing my problems and I wish I could give you something more positive but I haven’t.

I however thank you for liking my blog and I appreciate the follows 🙂 I’ve never really had any follows or likes on anything. Big thanks to you all.

Have you had a good day today??

Lea Posted from WordPress

10/11/2015

As of today I walked through town wondering where things will be taking me. I managed to join an agency but won’t be starting work until the 23rd of November!!

Job centre has been giving me a hard time and my mum isn’t being as supportive as she used to be. I’ve grown up to be working things out most of the time alone, I sometimes cry uncontrollably and I feel my heart ache hard.

I’ve been reading a book lately its called Wolf Born by N. Gosney, its really amazing. If you like wolf type books with a little romance and blood then you’ll like this 🙂
I have been tired a lot lately and I can’t understand why, I have been socializing a lot more with friends and family but they’ve not really got back to me through texts.

Life with Emotions

04 June 2015

Hello, this is my first time ever writing and I want to introduce myself to you all, My Name is Lea Heart and I am coming up to the age of 20 years old. I haven’t really done much in my life because I haven’t really had the chance, I know, I have nearly lived 20 years and I haven’t done much?

I have lived through life with different emotions like one minute I think something and then I feel something else within the matter of seconds…

I have written poems on a poetry site for 3 years now and looking back at them all seems like I have trying to fight through life, I write about how I feel and I also have written about what has been going in with my life.

I have a boyfriend who I am madly in love with, When I see him I feel like I’ve fallen in love all over again. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have him in my life right now, We have been through so much together and its been 2 years and 5 months. It is a very long time isn’t it? He is my world and love of my life.

I do have 2 brothers and 1 sister but I have a brother that hates be right now because I am calling my mums boyfriend dad but that is only because I haven’t got a dad any more…he left when I was only a baby at the age of one years old.

I have had so much fear in my childhood years through older men which is from the age of 30-40 years old.  I hope I am not babbling on too much but its how I feel and I want to share it with you…

I lost my apprenticeship 2 weeks ago…I working in a pharmacy but they didn’t give me much of a chance, I feel like they expected me to learn everything in 1 week of me being there but it was just too impossible, just like Boots, they shoved me in the deep end.

In the pharmacy I was humiliated by one member of staff making me stand on one leg, I did what he asked to stand on one leg but I thought to myself ‘stand on one leg, this is stupid’ so i put my foot down and as he was speaking to another member of staff he stopped and looked at much and said “put your foot back up” eventually he let me put it back down but during that time my face was boiling hot and I bet it was beetroot red…

During the time of him making me do that I felt the world close in on me and I wanted to disappear and be invisible….

What would you do if any of you guys was in that position? would you do what I did or do something different? baring in mind I was only there for 2 weeks and had to be good too shoes…

please comment below and share your experiences at work.