Teardrops

Today has ended with these teardrops,
I don’t recognize them.
I can’t breathe and then they fall, I want to hide and be left alone.

Today I cried and it was uncontrollable,
I thought I would be OK but things in life is getting to me.
I want to be a mermaid because they are filled with happiness and freedom.
Its Christmas soon…..I don’t understand,
I even picked up a penny on tales which doesn’t that mean bad luck?

I am going bed now, with a hot water bottle that my boyfriend made me after comforting me whilst I was crying uncontrollably.

Sweet dreams and I hope you all have a good day.

Lea Heart x

07/12/2015

Dear followers and viewers,

Today has been bad and then great but now I feel low and I don’t know what to do. The job centre is making me sign on daily which I guess is no news because I’m not the only one but I feel like its the end of the world, I’m back to where I started….

No 20 year old should sign on, its not right! I thought its suppose to be sort of easy to get jobs, you learn and get your career started between 14 and 18. Your supposed to be getting a job somewhere after that between 18 and 24 I guess but its not happening…..

I seem to get a job then get told am no good or I don’t like it, I just don’t know anymore. Its me and my boyfriends anniversary today, we’ve celebrated it at Oriental restaurant which is normally amazing and it was our first place we went to for our first date.

We’ve been together for 3 years now, amazing 3 years and now were unseperable because we live together at my mums but also looking for our own flat together.
I can’t really get a flat without a permanent job which sucks at the minute…..

Christmas is here soon! I can’t wait 🙂 new year and new start for me! 🙂 love you all.

Lea Heart x

Follow the white rabbit

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This is my sleeping bunny, he is the cutest most sweetest and funniest bunny I have ever known. I cry for him sometimes, I miss him. When I had to move from my mums i wasn’t able to take him with me and so I had to let my uncle take him.

I only wanted someone to hold him temporarily but when I moved back to my mums I wasn’t able to have him back and that was down to her saying no.

If I could have him back then I would, I love him and miss him and he is my family.

Lea Posted from WordPress

Beauty

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This photo has its own beauty, I took this during my walk back home. I find that these flowers are beautiful and hey made me feel happy inside, I decided to gather a few that had fallen from a tree and put them together. I walked a little holding them, smelling the freshness of them and then I took out my mobile phone and took a photo.

I walked all the way home holding them in my hands and I didn’t care if I looked silly because these look beautiful. They may have a special name but I called them pink blossom’s, I hope I will find them again soon when the right time of year come along 🙂 my first photograph of flowers and has brilliant lighting and colours.

Lea Posted from WordPress

I want to be set free

I’m calling out to you, someone high in heavens sky. Is there hope left? Will I ever be alright?
I’m on my knees in the pouring rain, begging for something good to finally happen….
I listen carefully but I hear no sound, I feel no hope so how is it possible for me to cope?

Look at me! I’m a mess, my mascara is running down and I don’t want anymore stress.
Why can’t you hear me?
Is my life just punishment?
I can’t take no more and I want to give up.

No more lies and no more sitting in the rain trying to get you to hear my cries!
I want to be done but I can’t give up, this life I live now is my hope but please some day hear me.

I no longer want to be just be a sound, I want a job and be able to cope in this world somehow.
No more crying, I want to happy and free.
No more physical pain, I want to finally be set free.

Lea Posted from WordPress

Getting better

I am trying to get over being ill all the time, unfortunately I think I have an ear infection and it hurts like crazy but also it feels like an ache. These days I keep feeling tired and waking up with shivers and I am dripping wet like I’ve come out the shower…

I’m on 20 years old its not possible to get menopause at this point but I’ve searched on the internet and this is all I get “how to treat or deal with menopause” its frustrating and the temperature is mostly cold because the heating is barely on. Its winter as well so I am cold at night, do you suggest anything?? I feel like I barely have energy and don’t really want to eat….

I take multivitamins and CO-Q10 for a healthy balanced immunity, I keep getting bad cold as well and I have to have like 6 injections but not at once because I start a care job soon and its their requirements. I’m scared of having the Hepititas C injection though because its a serious illness and its a vaccination that its being put into my system.

I’ve got to go to the job centre tomorrow which is really a sad place to go, they give you benefits but they don’t help you get a job they and you on training courses for CVS or mandatory work experience.

Wish me luck for tomorrow!

Will write to you all tomorrow.
Sweet dreams

Lea xx

Lea Posted from WordPress