The beach

I wonder in daylight across the beach, feeling the sand between my toes. I’m far from home but not lost, I like to be free like my dress that flows. I thought I was running out of time, my heart had quickened and my body felt like it was dragging, I was beginning not to cope so I ran as quick as I could to be by some place where I could set free.

Some place peaceful, some place warm but when I reached the ocean my knees gave way and a few tear-drops rolled down my cheeks. I was worrying and feeling panicked, I am now fine, I don’t know what started it but tonight my soul won’t vanish.

Is life a lie?

Dear Viewers,

Can I truly be living a lie?

I struggle to trust anyone and I don’t know who to believe, I need help and there isn’t anyone who can and so I am asking you…

I want to move on from my childhood and I have family surrounding me who isn’t, I have decided to call a man my dad and everyone hates that I am… I haven’t had a dad since I was 1 years old because he left and said that he doesn’t want me or my older brother. (sorry if my grammar isn’t perfect)

I have shed so many tears trying to find answers about who has done what and why did my blood father leave? everyone has there own story and its slightly different. I don’t want this post to be negative but I am trying to move on and I can’t.

So…During my childhood I have been abused by 5 different men, Mentally, Verbally and Physically. I haven’t had much luck in life and I am coming up to 20 at the end of July so I want to start living to its fullest.

I am very emotional lately and my family and friends take advantage of that, I have a boyfriend who I have been with for 2 years and 6 months. I am so in love and happy with him. My best friend did try and excuse me of cheating and I am not that kind of girl, I hate that some people cheat but I am not one of them and never will be….

How can I trust someone when people are telling me different stories and my family is split into like 3. My family hates everyone who lives in the household that I do because of this one man that I now call dad, my little brother also has a dad now and is living with him… now the man I am calling dad has done some things to me and my little sister but it was really, really bad…

My little brothers dad did something really bad to my older brother which he ended up in hospital because of what he did….now my little brother is saying why not forgive his abusive dad but I can call a man he calls “a pedo” dad and I forgive him….

What he did was unforgivable but I just want to move on and he has even had a pre-warning from SS (Social Service) my mum loves him and no one can change that but what can I do??

Please help….

thank youu, I will reply to whom comments or sends a message.

Learioselle

xxx